


i see my soul's equal in you

by kurovrz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationship, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memories, Minor Haiba Alisa/Kuroo Tetsurou, Pre-Timeskip, Unrequited Love, alisa and kuroo are the same age, alisa goes to nekoma high, idk how to do tags sorry, kinda based off on the driver's license song, some bubbline references, space sweepers reference, your name engraved herein reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29678988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurovrz/pseuds/kurovrz
Summary: Kenma continues bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders, waiting for the day to either have the weight crush him or to have it be lifted away, but the possibility of the latter seems hopeless.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	i see my soul's equal in you

**Author's Note:**

> im back again with kuroken :DDD but angst lololol i took so much time digging up my past experiences for this LMFAOOO i seriously (did) didn't cried while writing this, crying are for losers :p anyways, thank u for dropping by and taking ur time to read this! i appreciate it <33

The ticking of the clock is too loud for Kenma. Well, it’s either too loud or he’s just easily irritated. A bit of both actually. He tries to shift his attention to something else before he explodes.

 _What is love_ , Kenma grunted and rolled his eyes on the intrusive thought. "Nice, I might be going crazy right now, for me to think about love and all that shit. Stupid clock. Stupid presentation.", he whispered to himself. He is currently in the middle of a lecture about chemistry, a subject that dreads him, but his annoying ass best friend loves it so much that he could have it for all his meals every day. Kuroo made him take the extra classes after their actual _real_ classes. _I’m bored_ , Kenma thought. _Should I ask Kuro about love? That's just gonna be plain stupid. Do I? I’m bored. It's just a simple question anyways. It's fine._ He raises an eyebrow on why he's hesitating to ask Kuroo about love. It's not like it's weird to ask your best friend about a topic you never talked about before. _Not_ weird at all.

"Kuro.", he whispered to the black-haired boy beside him. "What?" Kuroo asked, trying to balance his attention between Kenma and the chemical formulas on the board that seems to print into his brain automatically.

"Uh, what do you think about love?" Kenma hesitantly asked him. "How do you feel about love?" he continued cautiously. "Are you seriously asking me this while in chemistry? THAT. Those chemical formulas on the board are love, Kenma." Kuroo said while his eyes are still on the board.

" _Tetsurou Kuroo._ I'm serious here.", he couldn't maintain eye contact with Kuroo this time, not with this kind of topic. He looks down at his notebook instead and sees it full of random scribbles. A sign he has given up all hope to listen to this cursed subject. "Woah, the full name peeps out. Okay, alright." Kuroo said while he took off his glasses, "I don't know, Kenma. I haven't been in love. Yet. " Kuroo looked straight into Kenma's eyes. "Kuro. I didn't ask if you were in love or in love, I just asked what you think about love.", he rolled his eyes at Kuroo. But Kenma's breath hitched as soon as he realized Kuroo said the word "yet." He looked at Kuroo again and asked, "Wait, do you lo-like someone right now?" Kuroo sighed as he took down notes that their professor was writing and said, "Yeah. Kind of? I don't know." Kenma only got to respond with a "Really? Well, good for you then.", because he got confused on why his chest suddenly tightened up on him. _Of course, Kuro would like someone. He's a normal human being, Kenma._ "Why didn't he told me though?", he faintly whispered to himself, looking at Kuroo to make sure he didn't hear what he said. _He's not obligated to tell you everything, dumbass._ "God, I should had stuck to the clock.", Kenma bowed down, his forehead collided with his desk softly.

The bell rang, signaling the end of classes. Chemistry was the only subject the two took extra together. It was like fate, out of the random placements of students in the classrooms, they still get to be together. Or Kenma likes to think of it that way. Kuroo made him take this extra set of classes, he better be with him anyways. Since he sucks at chemistry and Kuroo is just so ridiculously good at it. "You good to go?", Kenma asked while packing his bag. "Uh, Kenma, can you go home first? Like, without me." Kuroo asked, nervous on his tone. "Oh, okay. May I ask why though?", he eyed Kuroo suspiciously. "Nothing, I just have something I need to do. Okay, bye! See you at home!" Kuroo almost didn't finish his sentence as he bolted out the door. "Ah! Bye?", leaving Kenma baffled. _Weird that he didn't say anything about doing stuff after class._ But something about Kuroo's way of saying "See you at home!" made him feel all weird and mushy inside. He doesn't know what it means though. But at the same time, it seems awfully familiar too.

As Kenma walks out the classroom, he sees Kuroo's bedhead from a mile away, he was ready to go sneak up on him and smack his face across for not telling anything earlier. But he suddenly stops, as he sees a bouquet of daisies in his right hand, a blush on his cheeks, and 2 tickets to Space Sweepers in his left, a movie that he was actually supposed to ask Kuroo to watch together. He is talking to a _girl_. A really pretty one in fact. She has long white hair and green pretty eyes. She has great physique too; anyone would look at her way. No wonder Kuroo is asking her out. Thanks to Kenma’s fast wits, he quickly hid behind the nearest vending machine, almost getting caught. _The fuck you beating so loud for?_ He hissed at his chest. _Why the hell are you hurting?_ He patted his chest aggressively. Irritated on why his chest is hurting at a time like this, almost ruining his friend's plan. Peeking behind the vending machine, he saw that the girl accepted the daisies and the ticket. Then, his eyes lands on Kuroo's smile; the same smile he sees whenever he gets excited about volleyball. And he knows Kuroo, to think someone can make him smile as wide as his most loved sport. _Oh, he actually likes someone then?_ Like a sixth sense, immediately feeling whatever Kuroo's feeling but weirdly enough, it’s just pain. The opposite of what Kuroo is feeling, and that was freaking him out. When the coast was clear, he brought water from the same vending machine he hid before, brought some apples, and for the first time in probably years, Kenma walked home alone.

"Mom, I’m home!", Kenma shouted. "Brought you some apples.", he placed the plastic bag on the table. "You mean you brought YOURSELF some apples for ME to make you apple pie.", Kenma's mom said while laughing. "Also, Kenma! I’m surprised you and Tetsurou didn't walked home together? He dropped by minutes before you and said to give him a call when you got home.", Kenma's mom added. "Thanks, mom.", Kenma said while going up the stairs.

Kenma plops down on his bed, more than tired today. He's tired everyday but today was a different kind of tired. He patted his chest softly, _Still finding an explanation for these chest pains, should I go see a doctor? But I hate people touching me_ , he sighed. He got up to his desk and opened his laptop to give Kuroo a call, if there's anything Kenma’s good at other than video games, it's not having a single emotion plastered on his face. _Act surprised, like you weren't even there_ , he mentally told himself before calling Kuroo. "Hey. What's up?", Kenma plainly said. "You okay? Your voice seems awfully tired than the usual." _Chest pain one_ , Kenma counted. "Mom said I should call you, why?", he eyes Kuroo across his laptop screen. "What's wrong with calling your best friend? That hurts you know.", Kuroo said while playfully sticking out his tongue. "I want to sleep, Kuro.", Kenma let out a yawn. "Okay so, I asked Alisa Haiba on a date. _The_ Alisa Haiba. The prettiest girl I have ever seen, Kenma.", Kuroo's smile is literally beaming across the screen right now. _Chest pain two_ , Kenma counted again. "Whoa, that's new. You finally had the balls to ask someone out. Congrats.", Kenma said, feeling his insides are climbing up his throat. "Was that the thing you had to do after class? You should've told me stupid.", Kenma thinks he's super lucky that Kuroo told him this over a video call, not seeing how he's struggling to breathe. "I didn't wanna bother you. Besides, it was a me thing too.", Kuroo flashed that stupid grin of his. _Chest pain three_ , Kenma counted, hoping that it's the last. "Hey, you okay? You have been rubbing your hand over your chest the entire time we were talking.", Kuroo asked, his voice suddenly fills with concern. _Fuck, I didn't notice_ , Kenma mentally slapped himself across the face. "Yeah. Just been super tired today.", he forced a smile. "You should rest then! Tomorrow's saturday! I promised you last week that I would teach you some basic driving!", Kuroo cheered. "Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Wake me up at- “, “-12:30 pm. I know. Because you think 12:30 pm is a time between too early and too late.", Kuroo finished his sentence. _Chest pain four_ , Kenma counted again as he's starting to feel lightheaded after those 4 consecutive chest pains. "Kenmaaa? You there? Hey!", Kuroo clapped his hands directly over the mic. "Oh, sorry? Yeah, okay. I'll go pass out on my bed now. Bye.", Kenma shutted down his laptop instantly. He sighs, fatigue weighing him down as he almost crawls up to his bed. With a heavy heart, he looks up at his ceiling, thinking about the sudden bursts of emotions he had today. And those stupid chest pains too.

Kenma fell asleep and woke up past midnight, he could feel his stomach growling, he decided to go down and eat the apple pie his mom made. "I’m worried about him." Kenma stops in his tracks. "I don't know, when I was talking to him earlier, I looked at his eyes and I felt there was something up. Is this what you call a mother's intuition?", Kenma's mom laughs. _What is she talking about?_ Kenma scrunches his nose up in confusion. He continued to go down and grabbed a fork and a plate and picked up 2 slices of apple pie from the kitchen. Before going up, he turned around and looked straight into his mother's eyes. "I’m okay, mom", he reassured her. "Okay.", Kenma's mom said, almost a whisper, worried that her son probably heard everything she said, but she tries to cover it up with a forced smile. Kenma went up, sat down on his desk, and opened his laptop, "Wouldn't hurt to search her up, right?", with a fork in his mouth he typed the words 'Alisa Haiba' on Nyangram. "Yeah, she is beautiful.", he scrolls down to see her pictures and organizations she's active in, mostly to help other people or for-a-cause kind of thing. "Oh, she has a younger brother? Haiba Lev. We're the same year. God.", he sees Alisa and Lev side by side in one photo, "They seriously look alike.", he scoffed. Kenma takes a couple of bites from his apple pie, "God, that's so fucking good.", the sweetness wraps him in, like a cozy blanket. He leans his head back, as he looks at the ceiling, he spots all the funny stickers he and Kuroo taped on when they were kids. He never took them down, it's all ugly but it gives off a certain comfort. "You did a good job, Kuro.", he sighed. The stabbing pain in his chest visited for a second, but the ecstatic feeling of eating apple pie fought it off. He put his right hand on his chest and said, "Not right now, please. I can't catch a fucking break. Come back tomorrow." Kenma loves it when it was past midnight because you couldn't hear a pin drop. Total silence. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his beating heart, drifting to sleep.

"Kenma! Turn your goddamn phone off! It's been ringing for almost 2 hours already!", Kenma's mom screamed from the other room. With half-lidded eyes, Kenma reached his phone lazily and looked at all the missed calls from Kuroo. “12:30 pm, 12:31 pm, 12:32 pm.”, he grumbled. "Fucking rooster, hate it when he remembers things.", Kenma puts his arm above his eyes to block the sunlight out. He always hated them; it makes his eyes hurt. On probably the 100th call, he picks up, "God, I’ll be down in 15 minutes, get your ass here by then.", he ends the call before Kuroo could say another word. He got up and scavenged into his closet, he pulled out a hoodie, ripped pants, and a beanie. The usual, actually. He went down the stairs, grabbed an apple fruit bar by the counter, "Going out with Kuro, mom!", Kenma shouted. He stepped out and sees Kuroo and this big car with him. _It looks new?_ He thought. "About time, sleepyhead.", Kuroo chuckled. "Yeah, fuck you. Woke up the entire house with your calls. This new?", Kenma slid his hand across the roof of the car. "Ouch. Do you not remember my car? We always drive in this. I shined it today.", Kuroo pouted. _Chest pain_ , Kenma rolled his eyes. "Kuro, we walk to school. We walk practically everywhere. We don't even ride your car anymore because you still get nervous when you count how long does the red stoplight shifts to green. So that's why we always take the bus.", Kenma deadpanned. "I am teaching you how to drive, I could make your life very hard", Kuroo smirks. "Isn't this like, illegal? You are supposed to be with a licensed professional driver when you drive.", Kenma said while looking straight to his eyes. "Okay, little detective get in the fucking car.", Kuroo laughs. Kuroo drove them both first to an open field (not trespassing) so that _hopefully_ , they won't crash and burn into buildings. They both got out and exchanged seats. Kenma sat down and gets a grasp on the steering wheel. He feels the driver's seat and tries to get the vibe for him to get his shit together and learn. "Okay, what do-", Kenma gets cut off by Kuroo suddenly leaning towards him to get the seatbelt from his side. Kuroo's face was an inch away from his for a moment. "Seatbelt first, dummy.", Kuroo poked his head. Kenma immediately looked outside the window for a second, _Chest pain. Again._ He took a deep breath, "Oh, yeah. Thanks.", is what he only managed to get out. "Okay, so after putting the key in the hole, -you are lucky that this is an automatic, you can just push the start button, then there's the gas, brakes, and the clutch. Like in the video games, right?", Kuroo nudges Kenma's side to which Kenma jokingly shows a disgusted face. "Please. Don't do those jokes. It sounded like a stupid joke right now, it physically wounded me." Kenma starts up the engine, then he tried to push on the pedals softly to see what it can do. With Kuroo's guidance, they wrapped everything up in less than 5 hours. "You have always been a fast learner.", Kuroo wipes fake tears away from his eyes. "Okay, mom. Stop embarrassing me.", Kenma chuckled at Kuroo. "Hey, uh, thank you for teaching me. All of this.", he continues awkwardly. "Wow, that feels nice. Kozume Kenma thanking me.", Kuroo laughed until his eyes turned like crescents. And in that instance, the friendly sunset rested on Kuroo’s face, hitting his cheeks very gently, making him look more mellow, more beautiful. _You make things easier; you make living a little bit better_ , Kenma freely thinks. _Wait._ Everything suddenly slows down, to the point he could see milliseconds. _Oh, fuck._ Kenma could see the rays of the sunset flickering on Kuroo's face slowly. Almost like it's caressing his face. He could clearly see every detail on his face, for almost 17 years he always sees that face everyday, but not the way he sees it now, Kuroo seems like he's almost glowing. He sees his stupid face everyday but why only now? _Stupid fucking Kenma._ He crashes back to reality. Kuroo still laughing, Kenma's heart is beating faster than it ever has before. "I-it's going to be night soon, let's go back.", Kenma's breathing getting uneven. "That was a long ass laugh, holy shit.", Kuroo said, wiping his post-laugh tears. "Alright, get up. We got to switch seats." The moment Kenma got up, his legs felt like jelly. His legs almost collapsed just by sitting down again on the passenger's seat. Kuroo drove both of them home, as loud music fills the entire car, Kenma's pretty sure his rapid heartbeat outweighed it.

When Kuroo dropped Kenma off, he rolled down his window to say something before Kenma goes in, "Same time tomorrow, 'kay!" Kenma turns around, "What? Again?", he rolls his eyes. "You need a lot of practice before you drive me around, kitten!", Kuroo smiled. _That fucking nickname, that stupid smile, dear god._ Kenma's getting dizzy from all the fast-travelling thoughts crossing his mind at once. "F-fucking whatever, wake me up again or something. Bye.", Kenma turns around and shuts the door. He immediately ran up the stairs and locked his door behind him. He slides down, his legs giving up on him, he ran his hands along his hair and tugged it hard. "If this is the love people are saying, I don't fucking want it.", he quietly said. "Please. At least not with him.", he continued. He leans his head back on the door and stared at his window, the moon shining intensely tonight. _The fuck am i going to do now_ , Kenma thinks.

 _2:31 am._ Kenma has been staring at nothing for hours. He is on his back, lying on his bed. Not even video games can distract him, which means this is a very critical moment for him. _It cannot be with him, I know it. I know that I am going to crash and burn. Because everything's light with him, everything's clear. And this is going to bite my ass in return later._ He keeps his hands over his face, blocking everything that he can see out. _Has it been really that long? Why only now? When Kuro already found someone he really likes. Great fucking timing._ Kenma released the longest groan he ever made in his life. "W-what if there's a chance?", he faintly asked himself, almost a whisper. _No, you don't get to tell yourself this. Care doesn't necessarily mean /love/, Kenma. That kind of love is different for you, and for Kuro too._ He’s almost close to tears. And he feels so shitty for crying about this. It's petty. And it's fucking dumb. He can't do this. Not when he literally sees Kuroo every day, not when he's going to see him later, and be able to just casually sit besides his long-time constant. He appreciates Kuroo being by his side, holding his hand, keeping it warm on cold days. This was the first time he was seeing Kuroo like this. Maybe it wasn't the first, maybe he ignored it, shrugged it off, or denied it. Too scared to realize he was falling in love. No, that he _is_ in love. With his best friend. For almost his entire life. _Dumbest move ever. Even I couldn't believe I can be this dumb. I have never been this dumb in video games. Yet alone in real life._ Kenma grunts in frustration. He actually found out yesterday while he was searching Alisa online that she was in the same extra class that he and Kuroo are both in too. The chemistry one. So probably, Kuroo was immensed both in the subject and her. Maybe, that's why he couldn't peel his eyes off looking at the front. On the other hand, Kenma was stupidly admiring the black-haired boy. For the longest time he was always fascinated by Kuroo. He was there, he was present, on all occasions. And that made Kenma feel safe, secured. He may not show it much, but Kuroo knows he's thankful. _When did I become this fucking sappy? And all for this rooster ass face too._ Kenma knows he wouldn't stand a chance. Either he tells Kuroo his feelings or not, he is completely sure that things are never going to be awkward between them, because he knows Kuroo. And he also knows that this is going to hurt. Like a whole lot. Not from the fact that Kuroo doesn't love him, he does _love_ him. But not in that _way._ But from the fact his feelings will linger on and on, without any recipient. Because the boy he loves and will continue to love until god knows fucking when, has already set his eyes on the brightest star. And he is determined to make it his. This is going to feel like hell for Kenma, because the first time he is experiencing this type of thing, no one's there to catch him. With no release, he’s left to deal with this alone. It seems pretty fucking ironic that the only person he tells all of his problems to, is his best friend. The person he's in love with. _Thanks, world. Really fucking appreciate it._ Kenma rubs his eyes, it's almost 4 am now. He needs to rest so that he can try to be in the right headspace later with Kuroo. Kenma wraps his arms around his pillow, and he tries to sleep to the kind sounds of the cicadas.

Expectedly, Kenma barely got enough sleep last night, but he actually managed to wake up before 12:30 pm, the stress of the entire situation leaving him restless. Anxiousness is evident on his actions and words, he knows that. He is going to try his best not to fuck up anything today. "Not having any emotions at all is what you're good at, use it more today.", Kenma gives himself a pep talk. His phone rings, he immediately picked it up. "Be down at 5. Go to my place already.", Kenma quickly said, not leaving any room for Kuroo to reply back. He ended the call and dressed himself up, he went down the stairs, every step feels like his chest is being ripped apart. The second he stepped outside, he’s welcomed by a bright smiling Kuroo, "Kenma! I was surprised you woke up pretty early today? Are you that excited to see me?" Kuroo laughed. _You got this._ "Please, that's the last thing I would ever think about. Is it the same thing today?", Kenma rolls his eyes at Kuroo. "Yeah! And you get to choose where we are going today! Any place you want.", Kuroo happily clasped his hands together. Kuroo drove them again to the open field to practice, Kenma basically remembered everything Kuroo taught him, so it was pretty much a breeze driving. "You are going to ace this shit Kenma!", Kuroo patted his head. _He's really happy about this, huh._ Kenma felt his heart jumped out of his body and dropped to the floor. He's really wishing he's not turning red right now. "Where do you want to go? Make sure there aren't cops or anything, you don't want your only friend get sent to jail.", Kuroo chuckled. Kenma didn't think twice of the place he's wanting to go, it's somewhere where he would go when the world crumbled down on him, and that place always gave him a little push to rise up and keep going. "I know where to go.", he half-smiled at Kuroo. "I’m pretty sure I will love it.", Kuroo looks at Kenma, his hazel eyes meeting Kenma's golden ones. _How could I ever love someone else?_ Kenma tries not to cry on the spot. Not right now.

The place was pretty near, so Kenma's drive went very short and smooth, it leaves Kuroo euphoric, proud of his best friend. As Kenma parks the car, Kuroo's head popped up attentively, "Oh? Isn't this the tree where we would always hang out back in elementary?" When they both got out of the car, Kuroo instantly runs towards the tree, "Look how big it got! God, I haven't visited this place in forever! How did you think about going here?", Kuroo's smile is so wide, it looks like it’s reaching the clouds. "Nothing, it was the first thing that came in my mind.”, Kenma stares at him wholeheartedly. Kuroo glides his hand across the tree's bark, looking like he's finding something. "What are you doing, dumbass? You can't find food there.", he laughs at Kuroo. As they both got older, they barely have time to relax anymore, now that Kuroo's a senior, there's a lot on his plate right now. Kenma's thankful for days like these, where he gets to be with him, away from the rest of the world. "Shut up, I’m finding- here it is! Remember when we carved our initials on this tree? It's still here! Look!” Kuroo looks so giddy, like a little kid, that's one of the things Kenma loves about him, he makes everything a blast. _K.K + K.T_ , Kenma placed the tip of his finger on their initials and smiled. "Let's sit down Kuro, I’m getting tired.", he sat down on the ground, it was filled of healthy green grass. Kuroo sat down beside him, he hears him breathe in the fresh air. "Ah, it's such a nice day! I'm glad we got to go out today, it's really fun.", Kuroo closes his eyes as he stretches out his limbs and let the cool wind rush throughout his body. Kenma wraps his arms around his legs, he rests his chin on his knees and watches the little kids play volleyball. _Kuro and I would play volleyball over there before too. I can't believe he's still here._ Kenma reminiscences the times where Kuroo would drag his ass out to pass the ball to him on a sunny day like this one. "Do you remember those times where you forced me to play volleyball with you?", Kenma snickered. "What? No way, you totally loved playing with me. Being forced is a wrong choice of wording." _As much as this makes me happy, it fucking stings. So much._ Kenma's eyes are getting watery. _It's showing_ , he's not fast enough to avoid it happening this time. Kuroo hears a sniffle coming from the blonde-haired boy, he opens his eyes and sees Kenma's eyes glossy. He quickly lifts himself up, concern spreading on his face.

"Hey? Hey, you oka-"

"Do you think the sky could be yellow in another life?", Kenma asked while holding back his tears. He didn't know why he asked yellow, it was his least favorite color.

"What? Are you okay? Wha-"

"Just answer my question.", he turns to look at Kuroo.

"I-it wouldn't, and you know that.", Kuroo said, fighting the urge to hug the small boy.

"Hm. Yeah, I was just hoping.", Kenma's voice shaky. "But that's the thing about hope, it's what keeps people going, but at the same time it's what keeping from people to hit reality.", he continued in a hushed tone.

"Hey, kitten are-", Kuroo tries to reach out to hold Kenma's hand, to where Kenma dodged his own hand fast enough to avoid any contact.

"It's okay. I'm okay, _Tetsurou_.", he never calls Kuroo by his first name without blushing, but saying it now leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Kenma chuckled and tried to compose himself.

"Hey, you can always talk to me. You know that.", Kuroo said, worry evident on his tone.

 _Not this time._ "I know that. Just tired today. Don't worry.", Kenma forces to show a sluggish face to Kuroo.

"You silly ass. I knew waking up before 12:30 pm has some effect on you.", Kuroo flicked Kenma's forehead. Kuroo wouldn't pry on anything Kenma doesn't want to tell him unless he's ready. _It's going to be a while._ Kenma rubs his forehead.

He and Kuroo are under this tree, _their_ tree. The tree that outlived them long enough to witness their entire growth. Luckily, the sun was on Kenma's side, hitting his face perfectly; in time before the first tear drop. Even though he hated how the sun shines on his face, he was kind of grateful it did today.

After an hour, the sun was beginning to go down. Both of them decided to go back, Kenma passed the keys back to Kuroo. "Oh, by the way, I’m not going home tonight, I'll be dropping by Alisa's.", Kuroo's tone is excited but every word was like an explosion on Kenma's chest. "You can drive the car home if you like. So, you can practice before your test.", music fills the silence for a moment. "Are you out of your mind? Do you want me to crash your car or get pulled by the cops? I'll take the bus home. I remembered I have to get something for mom first.", Kenma lied. "You sure? We can stop by first before-", _No. Don’t._ "It's fine. You and Alisa stay safe, alright? You better behave in their house properly, Kuro." Kuroo laughed at Kenma's statement, "I'll take that as a goodluck, kitten." _The world is spinning too fast right now. My ears are ringing._

"You can drop me over there, by the corner.", Kenma points out to a little marketplace.

Kuroo stops by the curb and pushes the hazard button, "Alright, you.", he stares at Kenma. "Stay safe, okay?"

 _Those beautiful fucking eyes._ "Geez, mom. I know my curfew hours, don't worry.", Kenma snorted.

"You fucking rascal, get out already.", Kuroo gently pushed Kenma out of the car.

"Thanks. Bye.", he waved to Kuroo by his window. He smiled heartily to Kenma, "Bye. See you tomorrow.", Kenma looks behind him and started walking the other direction, as he hears the car backing up and turning around, he turns right back. Hoping that Kuroo would look at his side view mirror and see the biggest and warmest smile Kenma has ever shown to him.

Every step walking towards the bus stop felt like shit. These big tears are falling against Kenma's cheeks. He hated crying, he always felt he doesn't get to cry, he doesn't deserve to. Especially in this kind of situation. His chest is starting to close on him, getting it hard to breathe. _You're almost home, Kenma. Keep it together, people are going to stare._ Kenma wiped his tears and breathed in a few deep breaths and got in the bus. He sat down and instantly remembers the few times he rode the bus with Kuroo. He remembers the warm sunset peeking through the bus’s windows, he remembers that no matter how long a day was, they would just laugh it off after. _He's everywhere, his presence made everything okay, his company is what always made me get through the day._ As the lights from the different streetlights passed by his eyes, he realized how much Kuroo shaped his world, and how he is extremely lucky to encounter such a lovely being. Kenma likes to think the stars are listening to him, at least for tonight. He (almost) prays that he can sleep undisturbed later. He leans his head against the window, counting every stray cat he sees along the way.

As Kenma went inside his house, he quietly removed his shoes and puffed out his jacket. His nose automatically picks up the scent of freshly baked apple pie. "Here.", Kenma's mom offers him a plate. He smiles at his mom, takes the plate, and goes up to his room. He carefully sat the plate down by his desk and crashed on his bed. Kenma's still thankful for today, no matter what happened. It was okay, it _is_ okay. Or it will be. He tries to focus on something else, anything. His eyes rapidly search his ceiling full of random stickers, posters and papers plastered on it. His eyes rests on the hanging origami Kuroo made back in 5th grade. Apparently, he gave it to Kenma as a make-up gift for that one time they argued. It was a fox origami. "It reminds me of you. All sneaky and stuff.", is what Kuroo's exact words were. It hangs on his ceiling so freely, swaying side to side, peacefully. Kenma looks out to his window, he sees tiny flakes fall, passing by the edge of the cold. _The first snow._ He loves it when it’s past midnight, it’s so quiet. Serene.

As the snowflakes continues to heavily fall, Kuroo's origami fox suddenly stands out from everything, almost twinkling. The aroma of the freshly baked apple pie fills the room, _I'm home. I'll be home. I'll be here._ Kenma tugs his blanket up to cover his entire body, too tired to create any extra movements, he leaves everything up to the heavens to decide, just for tonight. _At least for tonight._

 _Still, loving you is a good problem to have._ Kenma traces the details of Kuroo's face mentally. It's suprisingly blurry, but some of his pretty features vividly stood out. _I gotta get used to this._ Kuroo's face slowly slips out from his mind as he closes his eyes before the tears fall again, bittersweet warmth pulling him in.


End file.
